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Ok, So tonight I had popcorn at the movies. It was probably a billion calories, but I told myself I could have it if I skipped the doughnuts and chips when I was babysitting. so its better than a huge binge.

Tomorrow I start hardcore restricting again. I'm leaving thursday, so I probably won't get much exercise other than walking around campuses. Marist and Hofstra. anyone know anything about them?

ok. the plan is for half hour exercise a day. 200 cals a day. Apples don't count- neg cals, and I need some sugar. otherwise,

restrict restrict restrict.

I can do this!!!

4th of July

So, I broke fast for the 4th of july. had some junk. But I'm not seeing it as a failure, it's more like...a chance to prove myself. Like, I know I can go without eating. i don't know if I can let myself just eat a little, than continue not eating. normally I've given up.
I was 127 when I weighed myself this morning, than 130 now. so I've lost the 4 lbs from when I binged all last week. I have until next sunday to get to 120. I can do it!
I'm going on a bike ride, nothing too strenuous but something to keep me moving. and it's been freezing here, so I've been staying cold to burn more caloreis. drinking lots of water.

I can do this! Keep thinking thin!

I need some support...

My family is a HUGE food pusher. Like, my grandparents are retired and all they do is eat. and my mom thinks eating is an excuse for a party. food should be a social gathering. so its hard for me to get away without eating, and even harder to resist. they will NOT take no for an answer. they like, get offended by not eating.
but they are all FAT. disgustingly, huge. they have to center their whole life around it. like buying a new car; they limit themselves because they cant fit into a lot of cars. and they have extensions for their seatbelts. its grosssss.

I need someone to motivate me. My boyfriend is leaving next week and I want him to come back to a 10lb lighter me. If I start today, does 200 cals a day sound ok? until next sunday?thats 9 days... so around one pound a day.
alright. here are my rules.

30 mins of cardio a day.
200 cals a day. (no sugar. or fat. protein, fiber, fruits, and veggies)
1 glass of water an hour
in bed by 11
50 sit ups am, 50 pm
1 dren a day

does that sound ok?
and maybe for breakfast I'll have a quarter of an apple, to make my metabolism keep up...i dont count the cals, since its neg, but I will have to watch the sugar.

I got the weight loss hypnosis app for my ipod touch. theres a bunch of choices...I think I should add it in my day somewhere. I dont really believe in hypnosis, but its still a form of motivation, and its soothing.

I should probably do thinspo to. Like maybe a few minutes before bed and in the morning when I wake up. just to keep me triggered.

I can do this!!


I bought myself some shorts for camp, and theyre kinda tight on my ass...I'm hoping I can drop a few more pounds. otherwise, it;ll look gross. so today, 300 cals. I'm worried about work; my boss keeps buying me nuts, and NOT the healthy kind. ive been chugging water.

I probably wont eat much at camp. the food is pretty gross, and its easy for me to just not. but one of the girls had me in charge of buying snacks...so I tried to get stuff I wouldnt eat. I just blew 10 bucks at the dollar store, the only thing I'm worried about are the cookies. (I'm sorry i cant make the words invisible to help you guys-someone teach me?)

I'm still at 130. I won't see my boyfriend in two weeks; I'm gonna be 115 by then. 15 pounds in 14 days. I can do it.

anyone, suggestions? is there something I should eat that can keep my metabolism going, but won't give me the calories? fastest way to burn? mostly, I'm worried about the waist down. help!

shake it.

Went shopping yesterday. pleased to discover that even with my humongus chest, I fit into the small tanks at american eagle (theyre actuallly a little big!) I'm still rolling in size 7 though, which does not thrill me. I got a few shorts that are pretty tight on me, so I'll have to work myself into them.
heres my problem with the boyfriend. we usually either go somewhere to eat, or go on walks. but hes been really sick. and I do not want to eat. it seems crazy, but its creating a lot of stress in the relationship. yucky.

Going babysitting today, I'll probably walk her around town much as I can, then going to work. Work is always nice, because If I'm going, I can use the tanning bed, then I have more insentive to be skinny (why have bikini skin if you cant have a bikini bod?)

then I'm popping popcorn for a concert in the park. I'll be on my feet the whole time, but its not as though its high energy. I'll have to consider it energy just to avoid eating the popcorn. haha.

think thin, lovelies!
So, I found what distracts me from eating- and its crazy- but cooking. it helps.
the only problem is once I've finished cooking, I am tempted to eat. So I made my boyfriend a chocolate cake from scratch yesterday, and my brother scrambked eggs...stuff I either don't like (*chocolate) or there wasn't enough for me.

I really want to own a bakery when I graduate. is that crazy? the ana girl wants to be a pastry chef. Its hard, because I think of them as being soft and doughy; with little marshmallows of fat around them. but its not gross, its just...doughy. they look like what they make.

but i dont WANT to be doughy!

also, I'm starting to get boyfriend fat. you know, where you get so comfortable with one boy, you stop caring about your weight? Hes pretty good at keeping me on track, actually, but than I just feel bad that I'm not skinny enough for him to worry about me, rather than motivate me. oh well, I'll get there someday.

did anyone get the july 17 magazine? theres a little booklet inside of workouts, and a 6 week schedule of what to do when! I am deff gonna start doing it. mom has tendonitis in her foot, which is making it hard to get to curves, but I've been walking and doing exercises. plus, when I go tanning I think its another motivation, since I have pretty skin but not body.

That girl, has love

So, I'm going to work out in an hour.
then ill probably try to go on a walk a few other times today.

but thats still probably not enough to get me to lose 10 pounds, is it?hm... maybe ill try to go shopping too. thats a lot of walking around that I don't think about, then I get to busy to eat.

heres another question; sleeping more suppresses apetite. but I read somewhere not sleeping makes u burn more cals. is that true? also, im taking hydroxcut, but...should I eat breakfast, or not? I want to keep my metabolism going, and i dont know if its worth the calories. especially if I'm working out anyway.

I guess I need some examples of how to raise my metabolism. my pool is almost ready to swim in, but its super cold. I don't think I care. cold= burning more calories.

Look! A Post!

again, I'm slacking on my journal. now that school's out, maybe I'll find more time. lets hope!

So yesterday, I did awesome. I've been really falling apart, but I want to be 120 for camp (next sunday) I'm currently floating on the 130 mark, give or take what I've eaten and when it was. like, 128 in the morning, 132 after eating/drinking. so.


My boyfriend and his family went to dairy queen, where I had two pieces of chicken and some applesauce. on one hand, there are probably more cals than I would imagine. (560. just checked)
however, I didn't have any ice cream or fries. I need to stay on the positives. which is why I'm trying not to beat up myself too much for the piece of cake and three pieces of pepperoni bread. yuck.

oh well. mostly, I need to start exercising. Mom is opening the pool as I type, so hopefully tomorrow or tuesday I can get in and start doing laps. thats going to be part of a daily routine.

Hows everyone else doing? I;m almost out of hydroxycut (I realize I always say that, but I'm always closer than the time before); does anyone have a good suggestion for a new diet pill? and one I can get my hands on, since I'm only 17?

off to look at thinspo and listen to the Buffy The Vampire Slayer musical Soundtrack. god, I'm lame. I love it. =]

I keep slacking

and haven't been on in a while. there are these huge gaps in my blogs, and I think mainly it comes from my assumption that no one reads these. oh well.

I've gotten so my weight is a solid 130, but that doesn't really make me feel better. like, I'm glad that its down, but...I wish it was lower. its nice to know after a binge I'm still 130, but I wish I could do more. I'm eating very little, and exercising, but its just not working.

Does anyone know good pro ana pics/icons? I want to print them out and put them in my book, but I'm hving trouble finding them.

I'm Back!

Sorry it's been so long guys...I was so caught up in finals and everything else.

I've been doing ok. I just weighed myself, i'm back at 130. Normally by now I would be starting to give up, but I'm still feeling strong. I've been mostly just eating sugar free jello, which is 5-10 calories a serving. I've also been doing hydroxycut again; its a miracle. I still don't know what I'll do once I run out. I need to find someone that will buy something for me, or website that sells diet pills without a bunch of id stuff. if anyone knows of a good one...

I'm reading Wintergirls, has anyone heard/read/seen it? So far it's really good. I keep finding books about ana to keep me on track, because it both triggering, AND it keeps me busy. If I'm reading, I'm not thinking about being hungry.

Which is another topic I'd like to throw down here. Hunger. It isn't what eats at me (oohh- puns). It's the habit of eating. Like, I'm fine with breakfast and even lunch. But when it gets to dinner, I'm in such a habit of stopping what I'm doing, I always end up eating when I don't. does anyone else have that problem?



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